I'm going to jail i love you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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