apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
