oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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