Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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