Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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