I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
