party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
