My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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