my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
