so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
