You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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