The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
