Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
