Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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