I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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