you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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