We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
