normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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