Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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