The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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