allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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