ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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