I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
