dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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