a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
