Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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