i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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