you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
