her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
