my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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