wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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