The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
