Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hippo gnu deer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize