I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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