Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
