jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
