Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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