there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
