$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
