After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
