I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
