My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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