Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
