not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
