Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
