i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
