i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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