Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
