i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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