i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
