Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
