walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
