My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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