He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
