Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
