I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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