i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm really busy with my period
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