Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
