A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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