i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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