Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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