You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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