all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As shirtless as possible
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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