I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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