you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
