Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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