i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
