dude i'm inner monologue high
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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