He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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