when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
