Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
