I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
